story re-development

After discussing the film's plot with my teacher (Mrs. Stoklosa) (shout-out), I got back heavy notes on how to rework my plot since it was wayy too long and a bit convoluted. If I go with my original outline, it would be better to end it at the protagonist dying, which I don't super want to do because I want my piece to have a much more hopeful ending and overall message. She then suggested I rework it so the story is through the view of the company, in that way I can fit all that I want to in it and have that more hopeful message, which is the route I think I will end up taking. Also that means the title of the production can be the name of the company, which right now is Life & Go Department Clinic, still working on it though. Also might not be able to do as many weird stuff as I wanted to because of runtime and production limits and prioritizing theme over style :heartbreak: but we'll figure that out when we get there. Realizing I'm kinda making a buddy cop short now haha. ALSO ALSO I've decided to cut the afterlife scene completly, its very very cheesy and preachy and I simply don't like it. Instead the protagonist will come back to life by his own choice and he doesn't have to be preached upon. It works infinitely better I think.

Okay new general outline is this:

- Jim and Cricket stalk the protagonist, watching him rot in his room

- Once it turns night, they sneak into his house and take his heart out, replacing it with a timer that acts as a heart until it counts down completely

- The protagonist wakes up, startled, Jim and Cricket explain the situation

- Jim and Cricket leave and continue to spy on him, the protagonist plans a bunch of things, doesn't do any of them and dies

- Disappointed, Jim and Cricket leave and begin to move the body

- The protagonist's ghost stands over his body, eyes locked to the closed ones. He thinks of where it all went wrong, where it could have gone differently. The LGCD's business card lays on the ground, he looks at the slogan "The meaning of life is its verb." He stares at the card, then back at his body as he reaches out hoping for one more try, this time, he will live.

- The protagonist is resurrected, he gasps for air, Jim and Cricket stand shocked for a moment then realize that his heart is gone.

- They leave to search for it, the protagonist sees it tucked behind a desk, he tries calling to them but to no answer

- He crawls to his heart, on his way he slowly completes the list of things he was assigned to do, Cricket and Jim continue to search for the heart.

- The protagonist reaches the heart just as Jim and Cricket arrive with empty hands, they begin to place the heart back in, the protagonist mutters "I will live."

That's what I got so far. I'll start and finish the script this week! Laterzzz